Take this morning for example. I woke up feeling like my entire body had been filled with sand, like a rag doll. I was SO heavy, I couldn't even move my limbs. My husband even had to help me to the bathroom for my morning pee. Yeah, yeah....TMI. Deal with it.
The rag doll feeling isn't unusual. It happens usually about once a month or so, and it is always on Sundays. Doesn't matter if I go to bed early or late. Doesn't matter if I have taken anything for sleep the night before or not. Nothing is consistent except the Sunday.
Seeing how exhausted I was, the hubby proceeded to get the kids ready for church and let me stay in my rag doll state in bed. Normally, I would stay in bed and just let him take the kids on his own. But I'm trying to change that. I'm trying to find my feeling ability again. If you do the same things, you will get the same results. Fact. So I had to do something different.
Rag doll Nicole, without ANY type of grace, flung herself out of bed. It wasn't pretty. I was all wobbly, almost falling over. You would have thought that I was on something. The hub was getting some good laughs out of my fumblings.
I got myself dressed and ready and we went to church. Granted, we missed Sacrament meeting. Again. But we made it. I was tempted to just sit out in the hall, but I forced myself to head into Sunday School.
In the past, I was probably the top commenter in Sunday School. I would share thoughts about everything in class. Lately, I sit in the corner playing on my phone, not saying a word and not even having a thought about the lesson to share. Today, I was going to listen. I was going to think about what was being said and taught.
I am so glad that I did. I actually FELT! I had tears as I felt the gentle, quiet nudging of the Spirit trying to get my attention. It was wonderful! I felt hope. I felt the need to take some action, to do those Primary answers of praying, reading scriptures, pondering, etc. I felt the love of my Savior for me.
I need to remember the concept of small and simple things. I need to stop seeking and expecting HUGE, GIANT things. That's not how the Lord works (for the most part). I need to get my butt into gear and stop making excuses. I need to DO. I know as I DO, results will come. I just need to renew my faith in this concept. I am more than what I have become.